Men Would Never Dream of Doing This


I have my WWE coming up soon – the annual Well-Woman Exam.

And every year it always falls pretty soon after vacation. Why is that a problem?

Oh, maybe because I love to eat! And when I go on vacay, my attitude is, “I may never pass this way again.” So if there’s a local cuisine to indulge in, or some great restaurant that’s been recommended to me, or just the fact that it is vacation and I’m out of my normal eating and drinking routine – I eat it. Usually LOTS of it. And enjoy every bite, I might add.

A recent discovery while we took a trip through Idaho, Oregon, and Washington? VooDoo Donuts in Portland. Yup, the famous pink box pretty much did me in. I really love donuts, but I rarely indulge, usually sticking to my Greek yogurt or oatmeal most mornings. But hey, this is vacation! It’s written (somewhere) in the UN Constitution that you gotta go for it. Every. Single. Day. Pretty much each every single meal. No exceptions allowed.

We lucked into a short line at VooDoo (only 20 minutes or so before we reached the door – when we passed it driving by about 3 hours later, it was triple the wait). I’d been scrolling through the various menu items on my phone, getting recs from the people in front of us, but making through the door and SEEING the product? I probably put on 10 pounds just salivating at what was on display. My idea of heaven would pretty much resemble this place – with the addition of Blue Bell Ice Cream, of course.

Hubby & I settled on 3 items. The 1st? Their specialty – a raised yeast donut with maple frosting and bacon on top. They had me at bacon, but the combination was outstanding in every way. #2 was our Mango-Tango, filled with mango jelly and topped with vanilla frosting and Tang. Last up? The decidedly wicked Memphis Mafia – fried dough with banana chunks and cinnamon, covered in a glaze with chocolate frosting, peanut butter, peanuts, and chocolate chips on top. YOW-ZAH!

(Needless to say, I’m now a VooDoo convert and don’t think God will judge me too harshly for praying every night for them to consider putting in a Dallas location.)

But adding those donuts and all the rest of the 2-week trip up, and the pounds did come on. That phrase “Easy Come, Easy Go?” Well, Bruno Mars sure wasn’t talking about weight! For a woman, EZ on = Next to Impossible To Come Off! Even if I’m back home and eating sensibly and walking and doing what I’m supposed to do on a regular basis.

So what if I’m a few pounds over my usual fighting weight? Men wouldn’t care an iota. But a woman about to go in for her annual WWE? We feel as if we’re being judged by that number on the scale. And heaven forbid if it’s higher than last year’s.

You’ve heard about women who go on a crash diet before they attend their high school reunion? I’d counter and say I believe more women do the diet thing before their WWE!

So I’ll fight the uphill battle till my appointment next week. And I’ll wear the absolute lightest outfit I can assemble. I’ll definitely slide off my sandals before I step on those scales. And drop the Let’s Make a Deal purse that contains everything but the kitchen sink from my shoulder onto the counter. It weighs as much as a small country, as it is.

I still resent the fact that the nurse won’t take off a couple of pounds for my clothes. Wii even lets you do that! Every woman I know (if they weigh) weighs first thing in the morning, before she’s eaten, totally naked because we all know that’s when we’re at our lightest. If I then go walk my usual 4-5 miles and take even a single sip of water and weigh myself, I swear I’ve GAINED a couple of pounds every time. It must be some law of physics, which I never understood, but I do get that it’s a fact of life.

So wish me well. Here’s to a week of salads and proteins (with the occasional Lay’s Lightly Salted Chips thrown in – girl’s gotta get her crunch on). Maybe by this time next week when I’m ready to climb on that scale, I’ll be back to normal. Maybe.

And yes – no guy would EVER think about these things!

P.S. I have to include the VooDoo Donuts website so you can read through this amazing menu. If you ever find yourself in Portland, Oregon, just GO for it! You won’t regret it!



About laurenlinwood

I'm a romance author who loves reading, movies, music, and sports. Connect with
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8 Responses to Men Would Never Dream of Doing This

  1. CJ Burright says:

    Yum…Voodoo. Very dangerous place, especially when you live in Oregon! Then there’s Powell’s books in Portland too. My credit card doesn’t stand a chance.

  2. Oh, CJ, you are my kindred spirit! Powell’s was the first stop we made when we hit Portland. I’d seen where it was in the Top 10 things to do in Portland, and books are always #1 on my list. I would’ve probably pitched a tent and spent the rest of my vacay there if possible!

  3. Kathy Hogan says:

    I never met a donut I didn’t like. Voodoo sounds like my kind of place. I will just make sure it is after my WWE. I know exactly what you are talking about. It’s a woman thing.

    • Hey, you’re in Colorado – even closer than I am in Texas. You need to meander over to Portland for a field trip! And all the other things we do to get ready for a WWE visit? Men wouldn’t begin to fathom … but that’s another blog for another time.

  4. Rita says:

    You MUST go to Ft. Collins, Colorado, and eat at the Chocolate Cafe. Amazingly wonderful.

  5. Kathy Hogan says:

    Just make sure it is after your WWE.

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